When a Loved One Puts You Down for Having Anxiety

So many times I felt crazy.

So many times I was made to feel so weak and pathetic for suffering over things that seemed trivial to others.

So many times I felt ashamed for the butterflies in my stomach that ate me alive and filled my head with negativity and pain.

I hated to surrender to my Anxiety but I just despised how you dug deeper in to my weakness and made me feel like I was so far from normal.

I just could not understand how you could love me so much and yet, you could not understand the crippling everyday madness that was going on in my head.

You fed into my insecurities, made fun of my day to day rituals, made me feel small and insignificant when the I was at very lowest point and laughed at me when I struggled to go to most day to day places.

Although you showed me love, you where unwilling to try and understand, you would rather stay naive to the triggers, symptoms of my anxiety.

That same anxiety I already had before we even met, that same anxiety that made me the person you where attracted to and that same anxiety I still had when we walked down the isle on our wedding day.

I was convinced I was the only one who had someone very close to me who belittles my Anxiety.

Who has zero empathy, compassion or understanding for what I go through when I am faced with situations that trigger it.

But to my surprised, everyday I to get an overwhelming messengers from my followers and clients, telling me that their husband, their mother, their sister, their best friend, co-workers etc, don’t believe that what they are feeling is real or actually put them down for having Anxiety.

I had convinced myself so much so that I was the only one, but in fact hundreds of women are going through or have been in a situation where their loved one had belittled their anxiety.

Today I decided to make a stand, sat here on my sofa cuddled up with my dog, that its time we openly talked about it, that this situation needs to be addressed.

I am standing tall to say, what we feel;

  • Is not in our control
  • Is not our decision to crumble apart
  • We don’t want to feel like we are not good enough

Mental Health is REAL, whether you want to believe it or not!

It exists, and it definitely does not need to be dissected or degraded.

The truth is we are hard enough on ourselves at the best of times, we do not need anyone picking at us, pulling us apart and putting us down.

This needs to stop right here and right now!

Do you have someone you love, may be your husband / partner (like me), family member, best friend, who just does not get what you are going through?

If your answer is yes, please forward this on to them because all this misunderstanding, really does need to stop today!

I really do strongly be leave that these love ones, who hurt us with their comments concerning our mental health, our anxiety, our panic attacks, our depression etc..

Do so because they personally, just cannot relate to what we go through.

They just can’t find or see a connection they can compare it to from experiences in their own life.

May be they just have never felt freezing fear or crippling negative emotions.

Just the same as we can’t understand how on earth they manage to function everyday without these feeling of anxiety, panic or depression.

In away how could they ever, possibly understand how we suffer?

BUT ……

There are a few things they do need to know.

Firstly there is no room, no space, no reason to question the authenticity of our suffering.

By doing so, it makes us feel like lairs, it makes us question everything we feel and causes so many deep emotions that are so negative and abusive, that we convince ourselves we are mad, we are loonies, living on cookie land.

When we are told we are just being over dramatic or we are just attention seeking is unbearably hurtful and makes us feel even more disconnected to our loved ones and the world at large.

Believe me attention is the last thing we want!

The hardest thing we every do, is admitting out load that we have anxiety, panic attacks and depression.

It’s completely embracing and soul crushing to feel like you can’t cop, when others seem to do it effortlessly.

So sit for a moment and imagine, that you have to admit, that you feel defeated, that every second of the day negative thoughts and emotions are whizzing through your body.

And then you have someone who says they love you, actually put you down for not being able to deal with all the things that trigger these negative thoughts and emotions.

Do you think this would help us?

Can you see how it doesn’t?

Tough love doesn’t in the world of anxiety and depression, it makes us 1000% worse.

So please know that when you say “Just get over it.” or “Your are making a big deal out of nothing”, you are pushing our healing process so far back, in fact in some cases as far back as the beginning.

The baby steps we have taken to move forward, you just robbed away from us completely.

For those who do not know what Anxiety is or feels like, I will try to provide examples to help you better relate:

  • Anxiety is that nervous feeling before you go in to a job interview.
  • Anxiety is what you feel when someone messages you to call them it’s an emergency.
  • Anxiety is what you get right before you do a presentation in front of a large group of people.
  • Anxiety is when you are about to get back the mark for your exam that determines if you passed the class or not.
  • Anxiety is what you feel on your first day at a new job.
  • Anxiety is getting in to a car accident and knowing you have to look back and see if your kids are okay.
  • Anxiety is knowing the school bully wants to fight you after school in front of everyone.

Now imagine living with that feeling every minute of every day.

We do not enjoy this feeling.

We never asked to have this issue and we just want the paralyzing, negative thoughts and emotions to end.

It isn’t just easy to get over or go through.

It is painful, it is horrifying and although to you our fears may not be valid, to us they are debilitating.

For some it is actually a chemical imbalance where we need medication to help us feel some sort of relief.

While we work through our healing journey.

Mind over matter just does not work for someone with Anxiety.

So please, if you actually love the person who is suffering, do not put them down for struggling to do certain things just because you can do them.

What does work is when we have someone we care about deeply tell us it is okay and that they will be patient with us and support us during a hard time.

We need to know that you are not judging us for these feelings and thoughts and that we are safe with expressing them.

In fact, I have found that talking about my Anxiety with someone who is very compassionate has actually helped me calm down about 90% of the time.

When someone listens to me and looks me in my eyes with empathy and concern for my well being, it makes me feel like I have a team.

I have people standing behind me to catch me when I fall and prop me up when I don’t have the courage to stand on my own.

When I feel supported with my Anxiety, I start to feel like we are making progress together.

I feel like with that person’s support, I can get better and I can eventually do the things that give me Anxiety, on my own.

I feel like they have taken the weight off my back and thrown it away for me when I wasn’t able to lift it on my own.

You have no idea how much of an impact supportive people have had on my life and my healing journey.

So if you want your loved one to get better, then educate yourself on what they are going through.

Talk to them about it and show them that you care and support them.

You may just save someone’s life because you truly never know the extent of someone’s pain.

I hope this post helps even one person and if it does, then I feel like I did my job.

Emma xx

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